I'm Still Not Talking to You
by julia3132
Summary: The Holidays are a time to forgive others. What about forgiving yourself? Written for Seblaine Snowball 2017: Prompts referenced Sweaters, Skating. Part is a homage to Love Actually.


**Summary: The Holidays are a time to forgive others. What about forgiving yourself?**

Notes: Canon Divergent, Season 4 where Kurt goes back to Lima for Christmas (And not Blaine to New York). Rachel went back to Lima as well. Also, Blaine and Sam found out what Hunter was up to before anything happened with the Warblers (what canon did to them was all kinds of wrong).

With the exception of at the very end of the story, Sebastian "speaks" in italics.

* * *

 **Dec. 22, 10:30 AM**

To Sebastian: Please explain to me why I thought it was a good idea to start talking to you again?

To Blaine: _We don't talk. We text and only text, unlike "guy who thought being an Alpha Gay was a bad thing" did with that other guy (and may I say…ew!). I've turned over a new leaf. Remember?_ _You're making sure I remain a goody-goody.  
_

To Sebastian: I wouldn't go that far.

To Blaine: _Hey, who made sure the door at the end of the Warbler hallway was unlocked so you and the Blonde Adonis could come rescue that trophy? And then had Trent talk to you and Captain America(?) about Dr. Evil?  
_  
To Sebastian: Thank you again and it is Blonde Chameleon…and Sam's not gay.

To Blaine: _Whatever, I just don't believe he's as straight as you say he is.  
_  
To Sebastian: Why's that?

To Blaine: _Genetics would not have given him those lips and not have them used for…purposes. Don't you have to get ready for your flirty duet with "the guy that got a job at Vogue which took up so much of his time (not!) that he couldn't bother to text his boyfriend once in a while"? I mean it must take forever to put that crap in your hair.  
_  
To Sebastian: I'm ignoring that but yes, I need to go get ready for my ice skating date with Kurt. And singing a duet together is our holiday tradition.

To Blaine: _Something happening twice is a coincidence not a tradition_.

To Sebastian: Still ignoring you and Sam is definitely not as gay. He married Brittany. Bye (*if you let me use emojis I'd put a devil here*)

To Blaine: _WTF?!_ _  
_  
To Blaine: _No emojis!_

To Blaine: _Wait, wasn't she Satan's girlfriend?  
_  
To Blaine: _It's a pity Sam had to die so young. He was pretty to look at._

 **1PM**

To Sebastian: Hi, I'm home.

To Blaine: _You're home?_ _That was a quickie. Was it that bad? And I'm not talking about the "date"._

To Sebastian: My sex life with Kurt wasn't that bad. And things never got that far. I can't believe I'm telling you that.

To Blaine: _Killer, if you have to describe your sex life as "not that bad"…it's that bad._

To Sebastian: You haven't called me Killer in a long time.

To Blaine: _Way to change the subject. Don't want to talk about it?_

To Sebastian: No

To Sebastian: All he wanted to do was talk about NYADA. It was just like last Spring.

To Sebastian: Talk. Talk. Talk. NYADA. NYADA. Oh, Vogue. NYADA.

To Sebastian: And he insisted on singing my least favorite Christmas Carol.

To Blaine: _You have a least favorite Christmas Carol? Of course, you do. Which one?_

To Sebastian: White Christmas

To Blaine: _I can see Mariah "but can't hit the high F" Carey wanting to sing that one. Out of curiosity…what is your favorite Christmas Carol?_

To Sebastian: You'll laugh

To Blaine _: Come on...tell me. Please_

To Sebastian: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

To Blaine: _Ok, I'm laughing. And judging you. Why?_

To Sebastian: Because he was different from everyone else but still wound up being the star. It would make sense if you met my brother.

To Blaine: _Sorry_ , _but I don't know if it is for your horrible "date", your horrible brother or both_. _Are you going to be ok?_

To Sebastian: Eventually. I'm going to take a shower. To make this day even worse, I have a party at Rachel's later. Bad memories. Have fun in Paris and Merry Christmas.

To Blaine: _My flight doesn't leave until 8PM. I'll have my phone on if you need me. If you don't…Merry Christmas, Killer._

 **1:30 PM**

To Blaine: _YOU MADE OUT WITH RACHEL BERRY?! YOU...MADE...OUT...WITH...RACHEL...BERRY?! WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS?! HEADS WILL ROLL! And I know the Bram wedding wasn't real, even though they thought it was._

To Sebastian: Because it's something I didn't want you to know…Ever. How did you find out?

To Blaine: _My new BFF Santana told me_

To Sebastian: WTF?!

To Blaine: _I got her number (don't ask) while you were on your "date" with "threw a jealous shit fit when his better looking and more talented boyfriend got the lead in the school play". I wanted to tease her about Trouty marrying her ex, but we talked and decided our problems were all Gayface's fault._ _Now we're besties. Although, I'm sure at some point a beverage will be thrown in my face. Or my balls will be cut off._

To Sebastian: OMG, you called Sam Trouty. You really did talk to Santana. And calling her about Sam and Britt wasn't nice. And neither are the names you've been calling Kurt.

To Blaine: _I'll give you calling Santana about Sam and Brittany. As for "told you Cooper was the most attractive guy in North America", not sacrificing honesty to be nice._

To Sebastian: Again, how do you know these things?

To Blaine: _I have my ways. Explain to me what an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party is._

To Sebastian: If you're talking about Rachel's party, it's an Ugly Holiday Sweater Party…she's Jewish. And how do you not know what Ugly Christmas Sweaters are? They're pretty self explanatory.

To Blaine: _Because I spend the holidays in Paris where it is illegal to purposely put on something ugly. What I want to know is can it be an entire outfit? Like if you wore the candy cane pants they gave you on that show you did last year?_

To Sebastian: They were capris and how do you know that? You were in Paris.

 _To Blaine: I'll give you this one. A link to that show was up on the Warbler website like 5 minutes after it aired (Jeff & Nick to answer your question). Also, I received texts __from every Warbler, plus some_ _that graduated before I got to Dalton, telling me to check it out. YOU were great. What I didn't understand was Gigantor and the Mohawk._

To Sebastian: It was an homage to a Star Wars Christmas special. Do not say anything derogatory about Star Wars. It is a cinematic masterpiece. Sam and I read the fanfiction sometimes.

To Blaine: _I don't know if I could have a boyfriend who is that big a nerd._

To Sebastian: I thought you couldn't have a boyfriend for over 20 minutes.

To Blaine: _I have hopes for the new year. Got to finish packing._

To Sebastian: Goodbye Sebastian

 **20 Minutes Later**

To Blaine: _I lied. I had to read some Star Wars fanfiction_. _I'm not the expert you are, but I'm pretty sure it is physically impossible for a Wookie and an Ewok to have sex._

To Sebastian: NOT THAT KIND OF FANFICTION!

 **5 PM**

To Blaine: _Open your front door._

To Sebastian: Shouldn't you be at the airport? 3 hours for an international flight. Remember?

To Blaine: _Open…your…front…door. It's cold._

"What the hell?" Blaine looked out his bedroom window and sure enough, Sebastian was at his front door. He slapped his hand over his mouth to stop himself from smiling. Sebastian being there shouldn't make him so happy. Right? When he got downstairs and opened the door, he started to laugh. Sebastian was holding cue cards like the guy in _Love Actually_.

Card #1: _I'm still not talking to you.  
_ Card #2: _Now let me in. It's f**king cold out here._

Blaine did as requested…or told. It depended on the tone of Sebastian's voice he heard in his head. When he shut the door and turned back around, Sebastian had more to "say".

Card #3: _I'm still not talking to you_  
Card #4: _But I had to say before I go_  
Card #5: _Forgive yourself_

"Sebastian…"

Card #6: _I say those things about_  
Card #7: _(eye roll…yes, I wrote out eye roll)_ _Him_  
Card #8: _To show how he never appreciated you_  
Card #9: _How he was never good enough for you_  
Card #10: _Forgive yourself_

"I can't." Blaine didn't know why this paralyzed him emotionally, but it did. All of the things Sebastian said were true, he knew that. However, it was impossible for him to differentiate in his head (or his heart) between the Kurt that Sebastian wanted him to see and the broken boy who came to spy on the Warblers.

Card #11: _What you did was bad_  
Card #12: _Not unforgivable_  
Card #13: _Trust someone_  
Card #14: _Who actually did_  
Card #15: _Something unforgivable_  
Card #16: _Trust me_

"Oh, Sebastian. I forgave you a long time ago."

Card #17: _But I_  
Card #18: _Haven't forgiven_  
Card #19: _Myself_

The pained look on Sebastian's face was so heartbreaking that Blaine had to momentarily divert his eyes. It was in that one instant that he noticed them…cue cards lying all over the floor of his entryway. He picked them up in order and as he read them again, he realized that Sebastian had written them before he arrived. He had anticipated everything Blaine said. Everything he felt. They weren't talking, but Sebastian was listening. With the exception of Sam, and some feeble attempts from his mother, no one had done that in a long time.

Blaine put the cards on a side table, walked over to Sebastian and reached for his hands. "I have an idea. When you get back from Paris, you and I, together, start working on ways to forgive ourselves. It will take time, but I think we can do it. Maybe we can reevaluate how we're doing around Valentine's Day? Then, if we're both in a good place, we can begin to work on your goal of finding a relationship that lasts longer than 20 minutes."

The smile that crossed Sebastian's face was probably one of the most beautiful Blaine had ever seen "I'd really like that, Killer."

"Sebastian?"

"Yes?"

"You're talking to me."

* * *

Notes: Happy Holidays everyone


End file.
